


When Fanfic Writers Play the Slash Game

by Yrindor



Category: Haikyuu!!, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball, Naruto, Prince of Stride: Alternative (Anime), The Lion King (1994), The Little Mermaid (1989)
Genre: Crack, Flash Fic, M/M, Slash: Romance Without Boundaries, Wranglers Are Not Adult Supervision
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yrindor/pseuds/Yrindor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of fic written for rounds of the game Slash: Romance without Boundaries.  Each round is a different chapter; the pairing and prompt are in the chapter title.  Written in 5-15 minutes each.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Orochimaru/Voldemort: First Date

**Author's Note:**

> Slash: Romance without Boundaries is an actual card-based party game; we play a slight variation of it. For each round, the players had to pick a character that fit the description given by the Narrator (e.g. "a character with brown hair"). After the players revealed their characters, the Narrator revealed their character and the scenario. Depending on the round, players then had somewhere between 5 and 15 minutes to write fic for the scenario convincing the Narrator that their character was the OTP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: sassy villain with style. Narrator's character: Voldemort.

When Orochimaru arrived at the old, dilapidated house, he sent his snakes ahead of him. They were stopped at the door by Nagini, who seemed none too pleased by their presence.

"Who are you?" she hissed.

"None of your business. Voldemort is expecting me," Orochimaru replied, following his snakes up the walk.

Nagini refused to move. "I need more than that," she hissed, uncurling as if in preparation to strike.

Orochimaru stared down at her, his tongue flicking out of his mouth in irritation. "Let me pass," he ordered.

When Nagini refused to move from the doorway, Orochimaru bit his thumb and ran it along the summoning marks on his forearm. There was a large puff of smoke and suddenly Manda was rearing up behind him.

"What do you need from me, Master?" the serpent asked.

"Convince this garden snake to let me pass," Orochimaru hissed, looking disdainfully at Nagini.

Manda hissed loudly and reared back, fangs bared. Nagini tried to stand her ground, but as Manda's shadow fell over her, she turned tail and slithered quickly back into the house.

It was only a couple of minutes before Voldemort came to the door, Nagini trailing sheepishly behind him.

"Good evening, Orochimaru," Voldemort said. "I see you've met Nagini."

"I have now. I don't believe you've met Manda," Orochimaru replied, gesturing to the massive serpent behind him.

Voldemort was awestruck. "The pleasure is mine," he said once he found his voice again. "Shall we?"

Orochimaru nodded, offering his arm as they walked back down the path, Manda following him and Nagini trailing in the back.


	2. Kuga Kyōsuke/Scar: First Meeting with Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: character with majestic hair. Narrator's character: Scar.

Kyōsuke still wasn't sure exactly what had happened. After much encouragement (and teasing) from his teammates, he had finally agreed to try online dating. He had met a seemingly nice guy who went by the name Scar. After talking for several weeks, they finally agreed to meet in person.

Kyōsuke had dutifully gone to the appointed place at the appointed time, but he wasn't entirely clear on what had happened after that. He had been sitting with a cup of tea waiting for Scar to show up, and then everything was a bit hazy. The next thing he knew, he was sitting outdoors in something he was fairly certain wasn't Japan anymore.

The afternoon sun beat down on him, and he was certain he could feel his skin burning. No one was in sight.

He dragged himself to the meagre shade offered by a nearby tree and waited. Several hours later, he saw several shapes moving on the horizon. He stood and called to them, then froze when he realized they weren't human shapes.

The pack of lions kept coming closer, and as they started to circle around him, an especially large one stepped forward from the group.

"So, we meet at last, Kyōsuke," the lion side, and Kyōsuke felt his jaw drop open.

"Scar?" he asked.

"I am he," the lion replied, and Kyōsuke shivered at the voice that reminded him of fingers running down the back of his neck.

"I think there may have been some sort of mistake," he said weakly.

"No, there's been no mistake," Scar said, inching ever closer. "We're hungry, and hunting is scarce." He flicked his tail in the direction of the other lions. "Meet my family," he said. "Family, meet dinner."

Kyōsuke's heart started pounding in his throat. He looked at the hungry lions circling him and made his decision. He tied his hair back, picked his path, and took off at a dead sprint.

The lions immediately started to chase after him, but he was faster over the rocky ground, visualizing it as a Stride course. Except the reward in this case was his life.

He didn't look much farther ahead than the next turn or obstacle, and he tried not to think about the roars and racing paws closing in on him. Eventually, he came to the very edge of a tall rock overlooking the desert.

Scar closed in on him as he looked at the drop below.

"Goodbye, Kyōsuke," Scar said, and pounced.

Kyōsuke jumped backwards just before Scar would have landed on him, using his training from Stride to help him scale rapidly down the cliff.

He never looked back, and once he finally made his way back to civilization, he swore never to try online dating again.


	3. Kagami Taiga/Gaara: How Did One Propose to the Other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: character with impressive eyebrows. Narrator's character: Gaara.

It never should have happened, and it wouldn't have if it weren't for Kagami's impulsiveness and tendency to act before thinking. It had been just after the Winter Cup, and he had seen what he thought was familiar red hair walking down the street while he was out shopping.

Even though he had told Kuroko everything was fine, the truth was he had some rather strong words for Kuroko's former captain, and he had seized the opportunity to say them without worrying about his shadow.

"Oy, Akashi!" he yelled. "Hey, I'm talking to you! Don't pretend you don't hear, you little bastard!"

He hurried up behind the person in front of him and grabbed him roughly on the shoulder. "I don't care if you're a little emperor or not, you're still just another kid to me," he yelled.

"I beg your pardon," the redhead asked, and when he turned around, Kagami realized he had been mistaken. While the person in front of him did have Akashi's hair, the similarities ended there. In place of Akashi's fiery eyes, this stranger had dead ones that were somehow even more unnerving.

Kagami had the sudden sense that he had just stumbled into yet another dangerous situation. "Sorry," he mumbled, trying to back away, "I thought you were someone else."

"I gathered as much," the stranger replied, not letting go of his hold on Kagami's wrist.

"I'll just be going now," Kagami started to say, but the stranger wouldn't let him move.

"Who are you?"

"Umm, Kagami Taiga. Sorry 'bout bothering you."

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you started yelling, Mr. Kagami," the other man said.

"Kagami, what are you doing?" a voice interrupted from across the street, and Kagami looked up in horror to see Kuroko hurrying towards him.

"Uh, nothing," Kagami tried to say, but it was difficult with Gaara's hand threatening to crush the bones in his wrist.

"Kagami, come one, you owe me a milkshake," Kuroko said insistently, making his puppy dog eyes.

Gaara smiled evilly. "Your boyfriend?" he said softly enough that only Kagami could hear.

"It's not like that," Kagami stuttered, but Gaara was already dropping to one knee with a malicious look that Kagami swore was worse than Akashi's, if such a thing were possible.

"Will you marry me, Kagami Taiga?" Gaara asked loudly, and Kuroko stopped dead.

"Kagami-kun?"

"Oh, did Taiga not tell you about us?" Gaara asked. "We've been dating for the past few years while I was here on business; I'm returning home soon, and I hoped he'd accompany me."

Kagami thought he'd rather spend a week with Akashi than another hour with this man, but something in the stranger's eyes made him fear for his life if he tried to escape just then. The bone-crushing grip on his wrist didn't help either.


	4. Voldemort/Yakushi Kabuto: Seduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: DEVILISHLY EVIL CHARACTER, DARK AND SEXY. Narrator's character: Voldemort

Kabuto walked into the room behind the chair, cloak drawn tightly about him, his snakes at his side.

"So, I heard you were interested in seeing me?" he said.

"Yessssss," a voice from the chair hissed.

"And what exactly interested you?"

"I've heard...rumorssss about you."

"I assure you they're a pale comparison to the real thing," Kabuto said, edging his way across the room. When he came around to the front of the chair, he was certain Voldemort expected him to flinch at the first sight of his misshapen face.

Instead, he smirked. After working with Orochimaru, nothing surprised him anymore.

"Was that supposed to be a suprise?" he asked.

"You aren't horrified?"

"Compared to what I've seen, you're a positive beauty," Kabuto said. "With skin like that, you could be a model where I'm from.

Kabuto threw off his cloak, revealing his own deformed body. "So, what do you say, shall we date?" he asked.


	5. Kozume Kenma/Donald Trump Sex Doll: Angsty Breakups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: cool, laid back character. Narrator's character: A sex doll in the shape of Donald Trump

Kenma stared at the abomination that had suddenly appeared in his bedroom. Or, more precisely, on his bed in the dorm room he shared with Kuroo.

Hesitantly, he approached the...the thing, but he refused to touch it. Even just the look of it alone was enough he was certain he'd have nightmares for days.

"Kuroo," he called. "Kuroo...what happened in the bedroom?"

"What?" Kuroo yelled back from the living room. Kenma was certain he was listening to some stupid action movie far too loudly again.

"Kuroo, there's a ....thing on my bed."

"What?"

Kenma stalked into the living room and plucked off Kuroo's headphones.

"There's. A. Thing. On. My. Bed," he said, poking Kuroo on the forehead with each word.

Kuroo looked up at him from the middle of the pile of candy wrappers and DVD cases surrounding him.

"What? Oh, that. Bokuto sent it over this morning; he thought it would make me feel better."

"He what!?"

"He said it would help me get over Michiko."

"He did what?"

Kuroo shrugged. "You know Bokuto."

Kenma looked at him incredulously. "Seriously, your girlfriend breaks up with you, you get into a weird slump and won't leave the couch or eat anything but junk food for days, and then Bokuto sends you a creepy sex doll?

"I think have a better idea. How's this?" He pulled Kuroo into a kiss.

"I think you win," Kuroo said before pulling Kenma in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took pity on poor Kenma and couldn't write him paired with that monstrosity, so this turned into pre-KuroKen instead.


	6. Ariel/Gaara: Meet the Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character prompt: a person with red hair. Narrator's character: Ariel (from The Little Mermaid). Situation prompt: Ariel brings your character back to meet her family/parents.
> 
> CW: kidnapping

Gaara had no idea what had happened. Somehow, his attempt to meet up with Kankurō and Temari at the edge of the Land of Water had gone horribly awry, and he found himself wrapped up in seaweed and dragged through the water to who-knew-where. He desperately hoped that whatever jutsu his captor had used that allowed him to breathe didn't wear off before he escaped.

He tried to keep track of where they were going, but he quickly lost all sense of direction in the open water.

Eventually, he was dumped unceremoniously into a holding cell on the edge of an underwater city.

Hours, or perhaps even days later, his captor, a foreign shinobi with long, red hair, dragged him out and before a large audience.

"Father," she said, "I've found a husband. I hope you'll agree he's suitable."

Gaara glared at the man sitting on a throne before him. He didn't recognize him from any of Sunagakure's bingo books, or any of the other ones he had snuck peeks at on joint missions, but that didn't mean anything. Clearly the man before him was a powerful shinobi to be able to capture him so easily.

He wished his sand hadn't been soaked and rendered useless by the water, but as it was, he was weaponless and defenseless. He tried to argue with the marriage discussions that were taking place, but his voice didn't seem to work well underwater either.

Many hours later, the discussions finally ended, and he was returned unceremoniously to his cell, where he was to wait until the wedding.

He had lost all hope when, hours before the wedding, a familiar puppet finally broke through the bars and rescued him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for anyone who came here expecting something more like my other fic. This is complete and utter unapologetic crack.
> 
> Comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated.


End file.
